Where I Found Hope

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Deuteronomy 31:8

 

I love to walk, but not alone.

My husband and I loved to go for walks.  We would walk in our neighborhood, the Air Force base where we were stationed and in local parks.

Sometimes we would hold hands or just walk side by side. We might talk, or not. It didn’t matter.  We were walking together. Together is the important word.

That’s how we walked through life until cancer took him in 2014. That’s when I started walking alone.

My world shattered. My future was uncertain. And my purpose disappeared in the emptiness.  I lost who I was. I lost my dreams. I lost focus.

But just like walking always brings me back where I started, my broken heart brought me back to God’s word, sitting silently in His presence. It was there I cried, I was numb, I was speechless. He wrapped me in His arms and spoke to me from His word. Verses leaped off the page becoming etched on my heart.  Each provided a twinkle of light, and that light sparked hope. I knew that more than loving God, I trusted Him.  I could trust Him to walk with me.

So right then, Deuteronomy 31:8 was tattooed on my heart.  I began speaking it out loud every day. “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

It is in God’s word that I found hope. It was a tiny light that got brighter and warmer as I spent time in scripture. . .in His presence. He was filling in the empty cavern inside me. The fact that He will be with me & never leave is what I needed to hear.

Do I know the whole plan? No. Do I like this part of the plan? No. But do I trust the One with the plan? Yes! Oh Yes!

It’s been nearly 7 years since I started my earthly walk alone. God has been with me through daunting life decisions. He has provided wisdom, resources, and help from faithful friends.  I am truly very lonely, but I’m not alone.

This walk with God gives me a spark of joy in my heart.  His purpose is unfolding as I take each step. The light of hope surrounds me and while it might only shine on my current step, it is enough.  

I don’t know what loss has left you walking alone. But I know where you can find hope.  I know Who will walk with you no matter where your journey takes you. Give God a chance and He will walk with you. Out of your emptiness a flicker of light will grow, lighting your path, and leading to hope.

I Want To Be That Tree !

And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers.  Psalm 1:3 NASB

 

Every time I turn around, something has changed.  Something is different.

So much has changed in our world!  Then I added moving to another state at the beginning of a pandemic. Friend, I don’t recommend it. It’s been a few months since my move and I’m still reeling from massive changes. 

Every one of us has been shaken to the core by the uncertainty and strangeness of everything.  It would be so much better if this was connected to just one thing at a time. But life just doesn’t work that way – ever.  No – it’s Every. Single. Thing.

But then God draws me to His Word. It’s there I find help and strength and security.

Aren’t the Psalms just the best when dealing with any sort of emotion?  It’s seriously my go-to every time life knocks me down or change is overwhelming.

In Psalm 1:3, the psalmist talks about a tree firmly planted by streams of water.  I want to be that tree!  A tree firmly planted has been around for years.  It’s weathered many storms and withstood parching heat as well as ice and snow.  No matter what has happened around this tree, it still stands.

Oh I want that to be me!  I want to have my roots so firmly planted in God’s Word  that I stand no matter what.  Whether it’s a death, a move, a devastating relationship issue, a pandemic or whatever, I want to be unshakable, firmly planted.

In the next verse of this psalm, I see where my roots should be planted.  Verse 2 says, “But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.”  God’s Word………the deep, rich soil where my tree roots can penetrate, soaking up nutrients and fed by the streams of living water nearby.

Here’s where I have to ask myself some questions.  How much time am I spending in God’s Word these days?  Am I spending the majority of my time feasting on my phone? Netflix?   Are my roots planted more in temporal things or eternal things?

This causes me to remember Isaiah 40:8.  “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of our God stands forever.”   And that brings me back to the firmly planted tree. 

So today I’m pausing to rethink my priorities, shift my focus, redirect my roots. God’s Word is right there on the little table by my chair.  When I sit there each morning planted in God’s Word, I can be that tree. Life will still hit me, but I’m going to be ok, not because of me, but because of God and His Word.  I can rely on it – today and forever.

God Is With Us & That Makes All The Difference

Matthew 1:23   Joshua 1:9    Matthew 28:20   Jeremiah 29:11-13

There’s one thing I’ve done as a widow of 6+ years – walk alone

Seems like a simple statement, but it’s not. 

The two words – walk alone – are heavy, sometimes unbearable.  Because in those words are carried overwhelming decisions, countless events and meetings, even relatively ordinary choices, plus the heart crushing quiet of every. single. night. 

If you’ve never experienced this, my words probably seem pretty heavy handed.  I assure you, they are not.

I hear you asking, so how can you continue to live each day moving forward with this constant heaviness?

Oh friend, let me tell you. 

The heavy burden is still there but I’m not really walking the journey alone.  You see, I have the promise and complete assurance God is with me

When Jesus arrived on the planet, He had many names.  One of them was Immanuel, which means, God with us.  Not God watching from a distance or God standing on the sidelines waiting to give a thumbs up or even God coming for a visit a few times a year. 

No. He is actually with us. This promise is echoed many times in scripture.  I believe God knew we would need to hear it over & over and so He told us – over & over. 

We are bombarded by subtle and not so subtle messages that say – you are completely alone.  It’s one of the recurring themes of the enemy. Unfortunately, it’s extremely effective. 

The enemy of our souls is constantly feeding us the message that we aren’t smart enough, pretty/handsome enough, strong enough, wise enough, thoughtful enough, friendly enough, talented enough – all of that.  We spend thousands of dollars on things that will make us enough.  Or we abandon it all and plummet into the abyss of perceived failure, in whatever form it manifests. But it’s all a lie. 

If you are a Christ follower, God plus you is a majority.  Once He’s with you, He’s always with you.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  Others will leave, sometimes by choice, sometimes not, as in death.  But God is with you from now to forever. 

I have to admit that when I’m feeling the lowest and most alone, the last thing I want to hear is someone say – but God is with you,  so you’re not really alone.  I know that.  I really do.  It’s the only reason I’m still standing. 

When I speak of the awfulness of being physically alone, it’s just that.  Yes, God is with me – He is SO with me.  But in a tangible way, as in a person standing before me with skin, I’m totally alone.  It’s in those times, when the aloneness is so very painful, that I cry out to God.  Actually, I simply cry.  Eyes leaking, ugly sobbing, no words crying.  And I know He heard me.  He is with me. 

The thing is, not only is that very much a physical and emotional release, it’s a touchable moment with God.  It’s a time with God that He isn’t just ethereally present.  He’s perceivably and unmistakably with me.  It’s certain, authentic and nearly tangible in a spirit sort of way.  God, who is Spirit, places His hand on my heart, and holds  it together from shattering irreparably.  He enfolds me in His arms as I lean on Him completely melting.  And He speaks the most piercing, encouraging, inspiring and hope filled words to me. 

He says, “Remember Whose you are and remember who you are.  You are loved, blessed, chosen, adopted, redeemed & forgiven.  You are a daughter of the King.  You are a warrior princess.  You are spectacularly put together.  Your life matters.  I have a plan for you.  It’s not meant to crush you.  It’s a plan full of wonder and hope.  You’re still here, so you have a purpose.  I created you for such a time as this.  I’m right here.  I will always be here.  When you feel weak or unsure, I will be there to give you my strength, wisdom & assurance.  You’re going to be ok, actually more than ok. You’re going to be great.  Keep pressing in to hear from Me.  Trust me with ALL your heart & stop trying to figure everything out.  I am with you………….and that makes all the difference.”

Finally back. . . .and we’ve got serious turbulence

There have been no posts for quite some time because I’ve been in the midst of moving from St. Louis to Louisville.  While it’s my 14th move, it is the 1st one in 40 years done completely alone.  I don’t recommend it.  But even in this, God has been & continues to be so very faithful.  

Moving is tough enough on it’s own, but throw in Covid-19 and I can tell you, it’s just awful.  What an odd time to be moving and trying to settle into a new house. 

As I’ve been isolating and spending way too much time on social media, I’ve noticed that fear is common.  In addition, it seems like believers are having spiritual amnesia.  I’m definitely not throwing stones, because  it’s happened to me too.  But I think I’ve come out of it, or at least am doing much better.  

Let me share a few thoughts on this.  I hope it encourages you. 

First of all – let’s look at what I think are 3 things  causing the spiritual amnesia.

1) sudden & continuing fear – the pandemic came on so fast & it continues to go on.   2) truth hidden by the enemy – our enemy will use every opportunity to throw us – he’s used the shock, the fear, the uncertainty to upset us & distract us from the truth of God’s word .  3) running to man’s thoughts/opinions instead of God’s – it’s tempting to run to social media & tv to get our truth and guidance when we should be seeking God.

So how do we combat these things and come back from our spiritual amnesia?

1) We combat fear by remembering who God is & what He says in His word.

God loves you with an everlasting love – Jeremiah 31:3

The Lord goes before you & will be with you – Deuteronomy 31:8

Hebrews 13:5 – The Lord will never leave you or forsake you.

Nothing separates you from God’s love – He holds you forever – Romans 8: 35-39

God is faithful!!!!  I Thessalonians 5:24, I Corinthians 1:9, Isaiah 49:7,  Revelation 19:11

2) Combat the enemy by feeding on God’s word – Truth!!  

a – Know who you are in Christ – Look at Ephesians 1:3 – 7 —- a really GREAT passage that shows us who we are…………………………………………We are BLESSED, CHOSEN, LOVED, ADOPTED, REDEEMED, FORGIVEN ! 

    Blessed – with every spiritual blessing – blessed in so many ways.            Chosen – you are not an accident! You are here for a reason! God has a plan – there is a purpose and meaning.  Loved – no matter what we do or don’t do, we are loved.  It’s not performance driven.  Adopted – because of the cross, we get to be grafted into God’s family.  Though I’m not Jewish, God made a way for me to be His – He paid the price for my adoption.  Redeemed – There was no way out for us.  We were completely condemned & owed a debt we couldn’t pay.  Jesus did that for us.  He paid so we could be free.  Forgiven – Nothing but perfection could forgive.  The perfect Son of God was the only One who could do it.  And that forgiveness is because of the blood shed on the cross.  Scriptures says – without blood there is no forgiveness – Hebrews 9:22.

Blessed – Chosen – Loved – Adopted – Redeemed – Forgiven

3) Get away from man’s thoughts…………turn to God’s thoughts.

     Isaiah 55:8 – “my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor your ways, my ways”

Jeremiah 29: 11-13 – – – God has a plan.  Our part is to call upon Him – pray to Him – seek Him…………and we will find Him.                                                                                     James 1: 5-8  Wisdom – are we asking for man’s wisdom or seeking God’s?This passage in James says if we ask God for wisdom, he will give, and give generously.  But we must not ask skeptically.  Our intent can’t be to weigh God’s wisdom against man’s. We should not be seeking God to look for options.  We ask God – the source of wisdom.  

The big question might be – what are we doing with our time?  Are we running to social media?  Netflix?  Are we being swallowed by fear or others opinions?  Has our screen time skyrocketed? 

Take time to sit in His presence.  Be still & know that He is God.  Be still & know Him.  Be still for awhile and feel the peace instead of the turbulence, fear & uncertainty. 

Be still……………………………in His presence. 

 

 

Flying Above The Turbulence

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:31

 

I don’t want to do this anymore.

How did I get here?  Why is this happening to me?

We all ask these questions when life gets bumpy.  I’m asking them right now.  Life is beyond bumpy. It’s downright turbulent.

I used to think that if you questioned, you were weak in your faith.  But I don’t anymore.  It may be an indication that you are exactly where God wants you to be.  He knows the turbulence causes us to walk closer to Him, press in, listen more, and strengthen our trust muscle.

Looking up in the sky, we see beautiful blue skies with puffy clouds.  It looks serene, but I promise if you fly through the clouds or directly under or over them, you will bounce around.  As a pilot’s wife for nearly 40 years, I’ve experienced everything from a little bumpiness to continuous prayer turbulence. What you can’t see are the powerful updrafts and downdrafts.  You can’t see it, but you can feel it if you get close enough. Life is like that.  Everywhere you turn, there’s turbulence. 

So how in the world do we soar like an eagle above it all? 

We see practical help in today’s verse – a familiar one to most of us. “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint.”

 What should we do?  Trust in the Lord.  I need to do it too. Trusting is deep, strong and stabilizing.  When we trust, we can stand firm. It’s not because of us, it’s because of Him.  It’s because He alone is faithful.  Want to hear something comforting?  Nothing we experience surprises Him.  He knows the end from the beginning.  I love that!

How can we soar high?  Did you know eagles can reach an altitude of over 10,000 feet?  They continually soar up and glide down.  Sounds like life – constant ups and downs.  With eagles, the stronger the updraft, the higher they soar. We can do that too.

 

Most birds of prey look back over their shoulder before striking their prey.  But not eagles.  They stay singularly focused and undistracted. I want to be like an eagle. I want to trust undistracted, looking forward, not behind.

Surrender the circumstances and turbulence to Him.  It’s not easy in the midst of life’s bumpy ride, but He will strengthen us.   Our verse connects trust and new strength.  “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.” 

Can you use some new strength?  Want to soar like an eagle?  Me too!

No matter what it is, cry out to Him – trust Him.  He will give strength to fly above the turbulence.

A Spark of Faith (reworked)

Ruth 1:7

With her two daughters-in-law she set out from the place where she had been living, and they took the road that would lead them back to Judah.

 

 

Naomi gets lots of criticism, but I get where she was and what she was feeling. Like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, Naomi had a negative attitude.  But as a widow, I feel that weight.  I understand it.

She’s lost her husband, which is devastating enough on its own.  But she has also lost her two boys.  In that culture, this means she has lost all financial support and care.  She’s faced with a nearly empty life and huge decisions to make completely alone.  I can’t imagine the fear she’s feeling for the future.  So you see, I truly understand why she is bitter.  And I understand why she feels like God has done this to her or at least allowed it. 

Right now, I’m facing big life decisions completely alone.  Everything feels overwhelming.  My life was never supposed to play out like this. I have an ache in my heart and fear of the future – fear I will make a mistake.

It’s hard to say exactly what made Naomi choose to go to Bethlehem.  But I think it’s logical.  She was going home.  She would know people there, family lived there and maybe someone would help her live out the rest of her days in peace.  She chose to go where the blessing of El Shaddai was present.

See, the thing is, even with all the negative in her life and clearly a poor attitude, I believe there was still a tiny spark of faith. She knew about the God of Abraham and she knew God could bless.  Though I’m sure she felt shaky, this choice was solid.  She chose to put her faith in God even though she was feeling bitter.

It’s that tiny spark of faith that gives me hope.  In Luke 17:6, Jesus talked about the power of faith the size of a mustard seed.  Some days my faith feels big, but others it feels mustard seed size.  So I cry out to God and say like the Dad in Mark 9:24 – I believe; help my unbelief.

No matter how daunting the situation or day, I need to exercise that spark of faith, clinging to God’s Word.

When I feel tossed up in the air, uncertain and when everything is overwhelming, God’s promises can calm my spirit.  He will never leave me or forsake me.  He promises He has a future and hope for me.  He says don’t try to figure it all out on my own, but to trust Him. 

My trust, that sometimes seem as small as that mustard seed, might be rocky.  But God knows me – He knows you.  He knows we won’t get it perfect.  How thankful I am that He looks at my heart, what little I bring to the table, and loves me anyway.  He will multiply my not enough.  He does amazing things when I let go and give Him my spark of faith.

Maybe you are in a hard place too.  You don’t have to be widowed to understand the heartache and angst of Naomi.  Life has a way of crushing us. Doesn’t it seem like difficulty shows up in a domino effect?  But even when it does, I bet you have a spark of faith.  Grab onto that and hold onto Jesus. Everything may be crashing, but we have an anchor for our soul.  It’s the one sure thing that will never fail us.

I believe God can take our tiny spark and grow it into great light.  He can do beyond anything you could imagine.  He can take your hard place and turn it into blessing.  He did that for Naomi.  Matter of fact, her story has a happy ending that gives me an ear to ear smile.

Hold onto that spark and watch what God does.

Every Part of My Heart

Oh Lord of Heaven’s Armies, you make righteous judgments, and you examine the deepest thoughts and secrets…… Jeremiah 11: 20a

When you watch a magician, do you ever long to know the secret of the trick?  I do.  Intellectually I realize much of it is slight of hand, hidden elements or trap doors.  But the experiential, looking at it right now, in me is frustrated because I can’t figure it out.  I don’t have a clue.

The magician has mastered the covering of secrets.  He’s cloaked it all so well that no one can explain.

We do that too.  If we’re honest, there are deep thoughts and secrets buried in our hearts.  Perhaps some are awful things.  But I know in my own heart, some are often simply too personal to share. . . with anyone.

But God knows.  He sees. 

We’ve all heard that God knows “the thoughts and intentions of the heart”, taken from Hebrews 4: 12.  But did you realize that idea is expressed in other places in scripture?

Back in Genesis when Noah presented a sacrifice to God after coming out of the ark, we see that God looks on “the intent of man’s heart” in Genesis 8: 21.  In Samuel 16: 7, we see God telling Samuel that  “God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart”. And today’s verse says in the New Living Translation, “You examine the deepest thoughts and secrets“.

Everyone else around us would never know, but God knows.

That can be frightening when we harbor sin in our heart.  It’s more than a little uncomfortable thinking about God seeing those thoughts we work hard to cloak.  Scary…….guilty…….confession & forgiveness – the only way out.  And praise Him for that process !  He’s provided a way for that dark stuff to go away. . . forever.

But what about the other stuff?  The intense hurt.  The stark loneliness.  The fear.  The flood of tears held in secret.  The uncertainty.  The searching.  The doubt.

God sees all that too.  And instead of being frightened, we feel seen, understood, comforted and loved.

I’m glad God can see these things in my heart.  I’m glad I don’t have to work at hiding them from Him.  He will never judge me as others would.  He knows I’m dust.  He knows my weaknesses.  He knows it all and loves me just as I am.

Familiar phrase, but it seriously blows me away to think the God of the Universe would even want to look at my heart.  Do you get the magnitude of this deal?  Billions and billions and way beyond that – all those hearts stretching across past, present and future.  Every. Single. Heart. And He not only takes the time, but wants to look at my heart.

Yep.  It scares me a little to think He will find some secret sin I have forgotten or buried so deep even I can’t see it.  But I am so incredibly thankful to know He sees my struggles and wants to help me through them, loving me beyond what I can understand, but so desperately need.

So go ahead and be the magician of your heart with people around you.  But open your heart to the One that loves you no matter what.  No matter what deep thoughts and secrets He finds, He won’t beat you up.   He won’t kick you out of the family.  He will love you through every moment.  He will forgive.  He will strengthen, comfort and encourage.

He will love – because He is love itself.

That makes my heart feel better just knowing it’s true.  I hope it makes your heart feel better too.  

Lord – Only You know every part of my heart.  Thank you for loving me no matter what You find there.  Help me to be honest in confession.  And please give grace, comfort and love as we tackle the hard things together.  I would be so lost without You.  Thank You for never giving up on me.    Amen

 

The Awesome Imposssibleness of God

Isaiah 43: 1-3

It’s mid-January in St. Louis.  The dead of winter.  Snow on the ground, 10-12 inches worth.

As I sit in my chair reading Isaiah 43 in the stillness of the morning, I can sense the Spirit speaking to my heart.  

You & I read our bibles looking for something to feed our heart, mind and especially our soul.  Some days it’s stronger than others.  Today is strong, focused, encouraging, bringing hope.

Do not fear is found many times in scripture.  I love that because I need to hear that lots.  You too?

Sp much has happened over the nearly 6 years since my husband’s cancer diagnosis.  I’ve clung to the words – do not fear – in countless situations.  And I still do.  

The description of intense turbulence speaks volumes.  Have you ever felt like you were passing through waters?  Crossing mighty rivers?  Walking through fire?  Can you feel the fear of drowning?  Of fighting the current & depth of a river?  Of enduring intense heat so afraid of being burnt to a crisp?

We all walk through circumstances or situations that make us feel this way.  It’s frightening.  We cry.  We tremble.  We stumble.  We sometimes fall. 

But God never leaves us.  The most comforting part to me in this scripture is the phrase – I will be with you.  Friend, neither of us is alone.  God walks us through the most intense turbulence – waters, rivers and fire, that seem impossible.

But God. . .another common phrase in scripture.  I use it here to show you the awesome impossibleness (new word) of God.

Impossible is where God starts.  I heard that from Christine Caine, a well known Christian speaker and founder of A21 and Propel.  Can you hear God speaking against the intense turbulence in your life?  In this passage He says – don’t fear the waters because I will be with you; don’t fear the rivers because they won’t overflow you; don’t fear the fire because you won’t even be scorched.  And why is this?  “For I am the Lord our God.”

I hope this makes your heart feel better.  It does mine.  God is going to be with me.  None of my turbulent circumstances or situations will do me in because I have the God of the universe, of all time and space, walking with me & in charge of every single moment of my life. Life sometimes feels impossible.       But God. . . . . . .

He has redeemed me! He has called me by name! He knows who I am! And He’s got this thing called life. . .and I trust Him.

Here in the dead of winter, at the beginning of a new year, I have hope and confidence for the future.  I know I’ll come to Isaiah 43 several times this year as the turbulence rises.  I need to remember God hasn’t forgotten me.  I need to remember I am His.  I need to remember the turbulence is no surprise to Him.  I need to remember there’s no reason to fear because He is the Lord, my God.

Maybe you need to remember too.  When you do, when your situation or circumstances become overwhelming, run to Isaiah 43.  Remember the awesome impossibleness of God. 

A Brand New Thing

Isaiah 43: 16 – 19  The Message

The end of one year and beginning of another makes us think about  new things.  Many people consider making New Years resolutions.  

Most forget, ignore or fizzle out on these, but it still feels good to think about this fresh start each year.  Our problem is that  we are human -flawed and more often than not, inconsistent.  But there is One who is  totally and ever faithful.  He doesn’t change.  He won’t give up on us part way through.  He is not flawed – He is perfect.  

This is why, I believe, God brought this passage in Isaiah to my mind  this morning.  I particularly love verses 18 & 19.   “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history.   Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand new.  It’s  bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is!  I’m making a road  through the desert, rivers in the badlands.”  

How often we drag what’s happened in the past with us into the  present…………and on into the future?  I can’t help but think of the popular song from the movie,  Frozen………..Let it Go.  But we don’t  let it go…………..do we?  Not completely.  

The next part give us clues how to let go……………”Be alert, be present.” 

How alert are we really?  Honestly most of us should start a new  support group – Multitaskers Anonymous.  We are so busy and running so hard, it’s impossible to truly be alert to what God is doing.  We miss  so much.  And being present??  Our phones are wonderful things, but they distract us and take us away from meaningful listening, sharing,  fellowship………..loving one another.  

What’s this “something brand new” that God is about to do?  We don’t know.   But because He has said it, we must choose to believe it.  It’s faith………..pure faith.  Hebrews 11: 1 says it best, “Now faith is  the confidence in what we hope for & assurance about what we do not see.”NIV  If we could  figure it all out, we wouldn’t need faith.  Putting faith in something we can see,  something we know…………isn’t faith.  Trusting God for this “something brand new“………… believing though  we cannot see…………….relying on God’s character & who  He is………………….remembering  who we are in Christ and all He has done  before……….choosing to take  that step or that  leap forward…………..that’s faith.  

Walking our place on the planet makes us tired.  Life can be unfair,  upsetting, tragic.  We can easily have tired hope.  But faith………………Faith reminds us that God is at work in the silence.  God really is about  to do something brand new.  

Let’s hold on to this faith…………….this hope.  Let’s encourage one  another to push through the tired hope and watch our faith become sight.   Remember God’s word says,”Trust God from the bottom of your heart;  don’t try to figure out everything on your own.  Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you  on track.”  The Message